The Foundation: Carol Dweck's Research

What is Mindset? The beliefs you have about your own abilities and potential.

Fixed Mindset:

• Belief: Intelligence and abilities are unchangeable
• Thinks: "I'm either good at something or I'm not"
• When challenged: Gives up easily, feels threatened
• Sees effort as: Pointless if you don't have natural talent
• Mistakes are: Proof of inability

Growth Mindset:

• Belief: Intelligence and abilities can be developed
• Thinks: "I can get better at anything with practice"
• When challenged: Persists, embraces challenge
• Sees effort as: Path to mastery
• Mistakes are: Opportunities to learn

Why This Matters:

Students with Growth Mindset:

• Achieve more academically
• Handle setbacks better
• Persist longer on difficult tasks
• See challenges as opportunities
• Recover from failure faster
• Ask for help when needed

Students with Fixed Mindset:

• Give up when work gets hard
• Avoid challenges
• Hide mistakes
• Feel threatened by others' success
• Make excuses
• Label themselves ("I'm just not a math person")

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset Language

Common Fixed Mindset Statements:

Child says:

• "I'm not good at math"
• "I can't draw"
• "I'm not smart"
• "This is too hard"
• "I give up"
• "I'll never be able to do this"
• "She's smarter than me"

Growth Mindset Reframe:

• "I'm not good at math YET"
• "I'm still learning how to draw"
• "I can grow my intelligence"
• "This will take time and effort"
• "I'll try a different strategy"
• "I can learn how to do this"
• "She's worked hard to learn that"

Parent Language Shift:

Instead of:

• "You're so smart!"
• "You're a natural at this"
• "You're talented"
• "This should be easy for you"

Say:

• "I can see you worked really hard on this"
• "Your practice is really paying off"
• "You're really improving"
• "Your effort made the difference"

The Brain Science

Teach Kids:

• The brain is like a muscle → It grows stronger with exercise
• New learning creates neural pathways → Practice makes these paths stronger
• Making mistakes helps you learn → Brain grows most when challenged
• "I can't do it YET" → YET is the most important word

Show them:

• Brain growth videos
• Before/after examples of their own work
• Stories of famous failures (Einstein, Michael Jordan, J.K. Rowling)

Activity: Make learning visible

• Keep early work samples
• Show improvement over time
• Celebrate growth, not just achievement

Not All Praise Is Created Equal

The Problem with Person Praise:

Person Praise (focuses on trait):

• "You're so smart!"
• "You're naturally gifted"
• "You're a math genius"

Why it backfires:

• Creates pressure to maintain "smart" image
• Leads to avoiding challenges (might make mistakes)
• When they do fail, they think it means they're NOT smart
• Decreases motivation over time
• Makes ability seem fixed

The Power of Process Praise:

Process Praise (focuses on effort, strategy, improvement):

• "I can see you worked really hard on this"
• "Your strategy of checking your work really helped"
• "You've improved so much since last month"
• "You didn't give up even when it was hard"
• "I like how you tried different approaches"

Why it works:

• Emphasizes what's in their control
• Encourages risk-taking and challenges
• When they fail, they know to try different strategy
• Increases motivation
• Builds resilience

What to Praise

Effective praise focuses on:

1. Effort and Persistence

• "You stuck with that difficult problem"
• "I noticed you kept trying even when you were frustrated"
• "You didn't give up!"

2. Strategy and Approach

• "I like how you organized your work"
• "Your plan to break it into steps really worked"
• "Asking for help when you needed it was smart"

3. Progress and Improvement

• "You can do so much more now than at the beginning of the year"
• "Your writing is getting more detailed"
• "You're solving these problems much faster than before"

4. Learning from Mistakes

• "You figured out what went wrong and fixed it"
• "Making that mistake helped you understand"
• "I'm proud of how you handled that setback"

5. Specific Actions

• "You used descriptive words in your story"
• "You showed your work on every problem"
• "You included evidence to support your opinion"

The Praise Formula

Generic Praise:

• "Good job!" → Not specific or meaningful

Effective Praise: "I noticed [specific action] + That shows [skill/quality] + [Impact]"

Examples:

"I noticed you went back and checked your math answers. That shows you care about accuracy. Because of that, you found and fixed two mistakes!"

"I saw you helped your sister with her homework without me asking. That shows kindness and responsibility."

"You revised your essay three times. That shows dedication to doing your best work. I can really see the improvement!"

Praise Pitfalls to Avoid

1. Empty/Generic Praise

• ✗ "Good job!" (about everything)
• ✓ Be specific about what was good

2. Comparison Praise

• ✗ "You're the best in your class!"
• ✓ Focus on individual growth, not ranking

3. Overpraise

• ✗ Excessive praise for minor things
• ✓ Reserve enthusiasm for genuine effort/achievement

4. Insincere Praise

• ✗ Praising when you don't mean it
• ✓ Be authentic - kids can tell

5. Conditional Praise

• ✗ "I love you when you get good grades"
• ✓ Love is unconditional; pride in effort is praised

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Normalizing Struggle

The Message:

• Struggle is NORMAL and NECESSARY
• Everyone struggles, even experts
• Mistakes are how we learn
• Failure is temporary, not permanent

What Kids Need to Hear:

"Struggling doesn't mean you're not smart. It means you're learning something new."

"I'm not disappointed that you made a mistake. I'm proud that you tried something challenging."

"Failure is feedback. It tells us what to try differently next time."

When Your Child Is Frustrated

In the Moment:

1. Validate Feelings

• "I can see you're really frustrated right now"
• "This is hard. It's okay to feel upset"
• "I understand this is really frustrating"

Don't say:

• "It's not that hard"
• "Stop crying"
• "You're overreacting"

2. Take a Break

• Step away from the work
• Physical movement (walk, jumping jacks)
• Deep breaths
• Return when calm

3. Problem-Solve Together

• "What's making this hard?"
• "What have you tried?"
• "What else could you try?"
• "Who could help you?"

4. Reframe

• "This is hard... right now"
• "You haven't figured it out YET"
• "Your brain is growing!"

5. Share Your Own Struggles

• "I struggled with [X] too"
• "Here's what helped me..."
• "I'm still learning [X]"

When Your Child Fails

Bad Grade, Failed Test, Lost Game, Didn't Make Team

What NOT to Do:

• ✗ Get angry or punish
• ✗ Make excuses
• ✗ Rescue them from consequences
• ✗ Tell them it doesn't matter
• ✗ Blame others

What TO Do:

1. Empathize (2-3 minutes)

• "I can see you're really disappointed"
• "That must feel really hard"
• Listen without fixing

2. Get Curious (5-10 minutes)

• "What do you think happened?"
• "What was hard about this?"
• "What could you have done differently?"
• Let THEM analyze, not you

3. Focus on Learning (5 minutes)

• "What did you learn from this?"
• "What will you do differently next time?"
• "How can this help you in the future?"

4. Make a Plan (5 minutes)

• "What's your next step?"
• "How can I support you?"
• "What do you need to improve?"

5. Move Forward

• "This is one test/game/tryout, not your whole story"
• "What's next?"
• Don't dwell excessively

Example Conversation:

Child: "I failed my math test."

Parent: "Oh, I can see you're upset about that. That's really disappointing." [Empathize]

Child: "I studied but I still did bad."

Parent: "You did study. I saw you. So what do you think happened?" [Get Curious]

Child: "I don't know. I just blanked."

Parent: "Hmm. Was it that you didn't know the material, or was something else going on?" [Probe]

Child: "I knew it when I studied. But then I got nervous during the test."

Parent: "Ah, so test anxiety might be part of it. What else?" [Learning]

Child: "Maybe I should have done more practice problems."

Parent: "That's good thinking. So what could you do differently for the next test?" [Plan]

Child: "More practice problems and maybe some breathing exercises before."

Parent: "Those sound like great strategies. Want help setting that up?" [Support]

Building Resilience

Resilience = Ability to bounce back from setbacks

How to Build It:

1. Let Them Experience Appropriate Failure

• Don't rescue from natural consequences
• Forgot homework? They face teacher
• Didn't study? They get bad grade
• Lost something? They deal with it

Within reason: Don't let them fail catastrophically

2. Problem-Solve Together, Don't Solve For Them

• "What are your options?"
• "What do you think you should do?"
• "How can you fix this?"

3. Share Your Own Failures and Recoveries

• "I failed a test once. Here's what I learned..."
• "I didn't make the team. I was really sad, but then..."
• "I made a mistake at work. Here's how I handled it..."

4. Celebrate Recovery, Not Just Success

• "I'm proud of how you bounced back"
• "You didn't give up after that setback"
• "You learned from that and tried again"

5. Teach Coping Skills

• Deep breathing
• Positive self-talk
• Problem-solving steps
• Seeking support

Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Motivation

Extrinsic Motivation:

• Driven by external rewards or punishments
• Examples: Money for grades, treats for reading, losing privileges

Short-term: Can work to jump-start behavior
Long-term: Decreases internal motivation

Intrinsic Motivation:

• Driven by internal satisfaction, interest, enjoyment
• Examples: Reading because it's enjoyable, learning because it's interesting

Short-term: Takes longer to develop
Long-term: Sustainable and powerful

The Problem with Rewards:

• Can decrease intrinsic interest
• Child does it FOR the reward, not for learning
• When reward stops, behavior stops
• Teaches external locus of control

When Rewards Can Work:

• Jump-starting a new habit
• Task is truly boring (but necessary)
• Used sparingly and strategically
• Natural consequences (screen time after homework)

Fostering Intrinsic Motivation

1. Support Autonomy

Give choices within structure:

• "Do you want to do math or reading first?"
• "Where do you want to do your homework?"
• "Which book do you want to read?"

Let them have input:

• Projects they're interested in
• How they demonstrate learning
• Extracurricular activities

2. Build Competence

• Set appropriate challenges (not too easy, not too hard)
• Provide scaffolding and support
• Celebrate progress and growth
• Point out improving skills

3. Foster Connection

• Work alongside them
• Show interest in their learning
• Ask genuine questions about what they're learning
• Connect learning to their interests

4. Make It Relevant

• "How will this help you?"
• "Where do we see this in real life?"
• "What questions do you have about...?"

5. Encourage Curiosity

• Ask "What if...?" questions
• Follow their interests
• Provide rich experiences (museums, nature, travel)
• Model your own curiosity and learning

Curiosity Killers

Avoid:

• Controlling all learning
• Only focusing on grades
• Excessive drilling
• Making everything about rewards
• Criticizing questions
• "Because I said so" without explanation

Instead:

• "That's a great question! Let's find out together"
• "I wonder why that happens?"
• "What do you think?"

High Expectations + High Support = Success

The Four Quadrants:

Low Expectations + Low Support

• "Whatever, just pass"
• Result: Student gives up

High Expectations + Low Support

• "You should be getting all A's! Figure it out"
• Result: Student feels pressure and anxiety

Low Expectations + High Support

• "It's okay if you don't do well, you tried!"
• Result: Student doesn't reach potential

High Expectations + High Support ✓

• "I know you can do this, and I'll help you get there"
• Result: Student thrives

Setting Appropriate Expectations

Consider:

• Child's actual abilities (not your wishes)
• Grade-level standards
• Areas of strength and challenge
• Learning differences or disabilities
• Other demands on their time

Signs Expectations Are Too High:

• Constant anxiety about school
• Perfectionism
• Fear of failure
• Never feeling "good enough"
• Avoiding challenges
• Physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches)

Signs Expectations Are Too Low:

• Not trying or putting in effort
• Settling for "good enough" when capable of more
• Not reaching potential
• Boredom

The Balance:

• Expect their best effort (not perfection)
• Acknowledge different subjects have different levels
• Focus on growth, not fixed standards
• Adjust expectations based on circumstances

Encouragement vs. Praise

Praise:

• Evaluative judgment
• "You did great!"
• Given after success

Encouragement:

• Supportive recognition
• "You're working really hard on this"
• Given during the process

Both have value, but encouragement builds more motivation

Encouraging Statements:

• "I believe in you"
• "You're making progress"
• "Keep going"
• "I'm here if you need help"
• "You've got this"
• "I can see your effort"

Creating Your Family's Mindset Culture

Daily/Weekly Practices:

1. Share Learning Moments

• At dinner: "What did you learn today?"
• "What was challenging?"
• "What mistake taught you something?"

2. Model Growth Mindset

• Share your own learning and mistakes
• Talk about things you're working on
• Show your process, not just results

3. Celebrate Effort and Progress

• Weekly: Review progress, not just grades
• Notice improvements
• Acknowledge hard work

4. Reframe Challenges

• "This is a great opportunity to grow your brain!"
• "What strategy will you try?"
• "You're in the learning zone!"

5. Use Growth Mindset Language

• "Yet" statements
• "What did you learn?"
• "Mistakes help us learn"

Growth Mindset Family Agreements

Sample Family Agreement:

"In our family, we:

• Believe everyone can learn and grow
• Try hard even when things are difficult
• Learn from our mistakes
• Help each other
• Celebrate effort and improvement
• Never give up"

Instead of "How was school?"

Try:

• "What was challenging today?"
• "What did you fail at today?" (make failure normal!)
• "What mistake helped you learn something?"
• "What are you working on getting better at?"
• "What do you want to learn more about?"
• "What did you do today that was hard?"
• "What question did you ask today?"

At Homework Time:

• "What's going to challenge you tonight?"
• "What strategy will you try?"
• "What can you learn from this?"

After a Setback:

• "What did this teach you?"
• "What will you do differently next time?"
• "How did your brain grow from this?"

Celebrating Success:

• "What effort led to this success?"
• "What strategy worked?"
• "How did you improve to get here?"

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset Quick Reference

FIXED MINDSET → GROWTH MINDSET

"I'm not good     → "I'm not good at
 at this"            this YET"

"I give up"       → "I'll try a different
                      strategy"

"This is too      → "This will take time
 hard"               and effort"

"I can't do       → "I can learn how to
 math"               do this"

"I made a         → "Mistakes help me
 mistake"            learn"

"She's            → "She worked hard
 smarter"            to learn that"

"It's good        → "How can I
 enough"             improve this?"

"I'll never be    → "I can grow my
 smart"              abilities"

4. Praise Cheat Sheet

INSTEAD OF:

• "You're so smart!"
• "You're talented!"
• "You're a natural!"
• "Good job!"

SAY:

• "Your hard work paid off!"
• "Your practice made a difference!"
• "You tried really hard!"

PRAISE:

• Effort and persistence
• Strategy and approach
• Improvement and progress
• Learning from mistakes
• Specific actions

WEEK 1: Language

• Use "yet" 5 times
• Praise effort daily
• Share a mistake you made

WEEK 2: Challenges

• Try something new together
• Embrace a hard task
• Celebrate struggle

WEEK 3: Reflection

• Review old work vs new
• Discuss improvements
• Set growth goals

WEEK 4: Habits

• Make learning visible
• Family growth mindset meeting
• Create family mindset motto

Books:

• Mindset by Carol Dweck
• The Growth Mindset Coach by Annie Brock
• How to Raise Successful People by Esther Wojcicki

Videos:

• Carol Dweck TED Talk: "The Power of Believing You Can Improve"
• "The Power of Yet" Sesame Street video
• Khan Academy: "You Can Learn Anything"

Websites:

• Mindsetkit.org - Free resources
• ClassDojo's Growth Mindset series
• Khan Academy's Growth Mindset content

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